The cold weather comes in and it's like a sudden brake, passengers get nervous and everything in the car gets thrown around. You have to go around fixing things. Downed leaves, storm windows, different clothes, and rooms that used to be too hot are too cold. For us fixers, none of this is entirely bad. Also I like the snap, the brace, the crispness, and would find it hard to live somewhere where the seasons weren't there to demonstrate the passage of time.

Wait. Is is the passage of time? Or is it the recurrence of the seasons? Maybe it's both a mile marker and a brake. Slow down, we've been here, it's a little different, but a revisit of many times before, not just a mindless drive into the future.

Looking back over the blog, suspended in May 2003. One thing's clear, discussions of politics sure have a half-life. Poetry and pieces about mounds in Cahokia seem to hold up better. Not that it really matters - this is for me, no one else, and in the act of writing, not for posterity. Why put it on the Internet? Because once in a while you find someone you want to explain yourself to, in a way that is candid but still publishable. Because it's published, for god's sake. And to any stranger who reads this dreck: hey. Happy to have you.

Well it's certainly time to get back to this.

The biggest question is how close to the edge this kind of diarist can go - how much of the heart goes out on the internet sleeve. This is the opposite of anonymous - pronominous? - and lordy there must be a limit. But Ill try to scout the edges, and report back.

OK, and a deep breath. This war is over.

The lingering uncertainties need to be rendered more certain. Counting the dead is worthy and important. Watching changes in the strategic landscape is fascinating. But none of it carries an adrenalin rush. Waging war is a drug. Time to go cold turkey.

May your life
light the night sky.

It is so humbling to see these entries completely overtaken by events. As of today, we are looking at two non-resolvers: (1) the weapons of mass destruction may not really be there, at least not in any quantity - it may simply be an active capacity without a stockpile. I still don't believe it. I still believe we'll find the real thing, including scary nuclear stuff. Also I think we're going to find much more compelling links to terrorists. But this will all look so out of date so quickly. (2) Saddam may be alive and uncaught. I did email someone over the past couple of weeks that I had thought he would be Trotsky, assassinated in exile. I can't see him dying of old age. But Stalin and Mao did, and as far as I can remember Idi Amin is alive and well in Saudi Arabia.

There is a type of revenge bombing taking place against the anti-Bush camp, and it is not over yet. The case against Saddam has been overstated. Boom. We did not bring in enough troops to fight this, a nationwide guerrilla war. Boom. We will be stopped in Baghdad, tens of thousands will die in house-to-house fighting. Boom. The Iraqis will never welcome us as liberators. Boom.

And the last one, not yet dropped: You will not find weapons of mass destruction. Boom. Boom. Boom.