And walking into the sunset, grabbing the sun, and pushing back

After a life of having so few serious issues, so many great days, so much luck on friends and family and career... then, the last few years, especially the last few months, especially the last few weeks, especially the last few days...  facing the possibility of a drop, into an ocean, into some level of loss of all the things that used to fly me high up over the water.  Yes?

No.  No.  No, not going there, not giving it up, not even a mild concession.  Not letting any of this take me, or pull me down, or slow me down, or be a last chapter.  It is not the last, or the second last, or an end in the farthest sight.  Showing me the bottom and asking me, hey, ready to cave in?  No.  Me, pulling my head up, dropping the smile, giving instead a stare of eyes back to the devil, to the death angel, and saying once again, now, tomorrow, next month, next year - not even close, not now, not ever.  Will fight on and on and on.

After Thanksgiving

The problem isn't lack of gratitude.  It's more like suspicion of New Year's resolutions.  What is there to resolve?  A graceful decline?  The late matinee?  What happened to... a killer band?  Bringing home justice?  Saving a stranger?  I'm thankful for what's home, but not for what I haven't brought home yet, or that it may never be.  Thankful for the future, but not convinced that it will be a new and righteous chapter, epiphany, celebration.  For now, not yet coming back, not yet fading away.

Early check-out

It was a term I used to use more often, back when I considered self-destruction a more arguable proposition, but didn't want to give it more seriousness than I thought it deserved.  OK to consider, but not OK to consider gravely, so to speak.

Now as I am sailing through completely different waters, with a lot more natives chucking spears at my ship from the shore, I am thinking more about involuntary early check-out, and wondering about a new term.  Early departure.  Early exit.  And maybe not so early?  If I go tomorrow, it isn't a case of the good dying young, even if I were to claim "good."  Not yet at three score and ten, but not early.  Lincoln was 56, Kennedy 46, Mozart 35, Alexander 32.  Now that's early.

So just, as my mother always recommended, leave 'em laughing?  Tipping the cap, glad for what you had, and with a smile?

There's the ticket.  The late matinee.

The tedium of old guy medical stuff

Once more into the ring.

Used to be that I was a healthy dude.  Always, for years and years, maybe a cold, maybe a broken bone or a gash, but nothing light's out.  Nothing even light's dimmed.

But for the last five years the dimmer has been twisting back and forth, letting me know that this health thing that everyone seems to know about is something I should know about, with big bills and scary prospects and a lot of science that is, at least, interesting, and language that catches on and catches up.  Like, a few years ago, vertigo, then cancer, metastasis, and radiation.  Last summer, a clavicle, then a stroke, or no maybe not.  A flock of acronyms: CT, PET, MRI, TIA, EEG.  And now a new one, a word that I never really thought medical, but now learn is.  Very medical.  Seizure.

I guess my first thoughts about seizures are combative, or at least physically assertive - he was seized. The platoon was seized.  Or credit remedial - the assets were seized.  Taking possession by force. 

But now I learn  that it's about a whole panoply of stuff that can happen to your brain.  The wonderfully European gran mal and petit mal.  Epileptic.  Partial.  All of it, more or less, an electrical fault across the circuits.

It is now my current diagnosis, this time of a short period of really falling off the vocabulary/grammar bus, unprovoked, just something that happened, just something.  Couldn't talk right for a while, then it came back.

J’étais saisi. 

But you really don't want a seizure, 63 years into the play.  You don't know the lines and you really, really don't know the last scene.  They really don't know how you got there, or if you will get there again, or was last summer a seizure, and this, or just this, or neither.

J’étais saisi.

Sounds better in French, non?

Baseball has been very good to me

I live in a great baseball town.

Just an example from the stats (and baseball is all about stats):

Boston has about 7.9 million people in its SMA, and attendance at Fenway Park this year was 2.8 million.  St. Louis has about 2.9 million people, and at Busch Stadium this year the total was 3.4 million.

And Boston isn't bad.  It's just that we are different here, the Cardinals are a civic asset that identifies us.  In Boston, the Red Sox are great but they probably define the city less than do the Celtics or the Bruins.  The Cardinals were for years the westernmost team and still are the team from just south of Chicago to north of Dallas, west past Kansas City (Oklahomans are big fans) and east into Eastern Tennessee.  It's not just KMOX and its amazing reach, it's all the territory of Cardinal Nation, with stations all over the Midwest.

So tonight there is a deciding game of the World Series, and if the Cardinals win there will be another, all at Fenway Park in front of a crowd that will be... well, impolite.  Boston may not be as bad as Philadelphia, where they toss batteries at the players, but they will show a lot more love for their team that for the sport.  As opposed to the fans here, who applaud when a guy from the other team makes a really good play. 

Whether we win or lose - and it looks like a tough road - the Cardinals will come home to a welcoming city, happy to know that the Winter Warmup for 2014 is less than 3 months away.

The scent of fresh Lenin

The way the class issues in America are coming up - food stamps, one percent, 47 percent, etc.  - sooner or later, seems to me, will coalesce not with the old Marxism we knew, but with what really may be an inescapable fact.  We and the Chinese and the other smart econo/socio/politico engineers are putting together societies with a huge, increasing gap in income and wealth.  It may be forever.  It may be inescapable. We all get the idea that free unregulated markets are a good way to balance supply and demand.   But are they a good way to balance wealth?  All the evidence says no.

Sooner of later we have to face the fact that there will be many more people than jobs, jobs that are worth a damn with incomes that are enough to raise and educate children and put away enough to create an annuity that will enable old people to live well.  Walk around in America.  Ask the working guys you know in their fifties and sixties if they are really going to accumulate enough money to do anything but work until they drop. And that's the middle class.  The poor folks will just look for handouts.

That's a really big failure, and I think it's coming everywhere, over the next few decades.  The way these things have been addressed in the past have always been through the Four Horsemen.  Are they the only ways out?

Seems bleak, I know, and I'm a basically pretty cheerful dude, but I really can't solve this one.  If this is how America looks, what about the rest of the world?  Asia's markets seem to be based on the US Federal Reserve System.  What?  Don't they have their own central banks?  Is it all here, all dependent on Harvard and Chicago grads?

 Trouble, my friends, trouble.  Right here in River City.

Terrorism, the label

The baby-gassing leader of Syria refer to his opponents as "terrorists" and it makes me wonder - is there a definition?  

Evidently there are hundreds.  And there is a big political issue baked in - can a state be a terrorist?  Can a state be the sponsor?  The answer is hell yes, with plenty of examples, like Lockerbie.  Or is a terrorist someone who is domestic, and only violates the law of the state?  Timothy McVeigh - was he a terrorist or just a criminal?

I'd say he's a terrorist, for two reasons.  The first has to do with the true origin of the term - it seems to come from the Terror, La Terreur, in the French Revolution, when the idea was to use terror to win at revolution and to rule.   Said Robespierre:

"We must smother the internal and external enemies of the Republic or perish with it; now in this situation, the first maxim of your policy ought to be to lead the people by reason and the people's enemies by terror.

"If the spring of popular government in time of peace is virtue, the springs of popular government in revolution are at once virtue and terror: virtue, without which terror is fatal; terror, without which virtue is powerless. Terror is nothing other than justice, prompt, severe, inflexible; it is therefore an emanation of virtue; it is not so much a special principle as it is a consequence of the general principle of democracy applied to our country's most urgent needs."

McVeigh thought this, that his action was somehow civic.  So did Bin Laden.  So, I suppose, do the Syrian revolutionaries.

But to me the second and equally necessary test is whether there is the deliberate slaughter of innocents. 9/11 yes, Oklahoma City yes, and now, Damascus - yes.   So it's Bashar Al-Assad, who's the terrorist. If the shoe fits, Mr. Baby-Gasser, wear it.