Fat Kid


I was a fat kid. Second-fattest kid in the class - maybe first, Charlie and I were neck and neck - until a really, really fat kid showed up. He was what we called a load.


I fell into the wiseass fat kid subcategory. Compensating through sarcasm and occasionally bullying and an interior life that was strange for a kid. My father was proud that I listened to Beethoven. And I was not a slug - a so-so catcher in baseball, a swimmer - a diver, incredibly enough - and in football, I made it to fullback, and for little while they called me The Truck.

But as those of us who were fat kids in the 1950's know, it was painful. The hardest part is that you didn't know why you were fat. My own theory, which I didn't develop until years later, was that my tonsils were so bad that I had them removed at age four, and before that I couldn't taste anything. Then, suddenly, taste, and I went for it. Year after year, until I (and Charlie) were almost perfectly round.

A second-hardest part was the transition from I-hate-girls to wow-I-really don't-hate-girls. Girls were kind of amused by wiseass fat boys but that was certainly it. In that strange race that commences when we hit puberty - with some boys transformed, because they hit it sooner - we fatties ran way behind.

For me, it lasted until I was about 15, and I am still not sure what pulled me out. I remember becoming obsessive about food, and lifting weights a lot. I was in the midst of real turmoil, parents breaking up, my school ready to fire me, and maybe that helped. Somehow I became more svelte and girls were more interested.

I have struggled with weight the rest of my life. At one point I dropped many pounds, and attributed their loss as follows: 1/3 diet, 1/3 exercise, and 1/3 anxiety. Later, all gained back. Today down from my peak but I do need to eat better, exercise more, and probably be more anxious.

As are many cliches, this one is true: part of you stays the kid you were for the rest of your life. Part of me will always be a fat kid. And a little proud of it.

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