Amazing

Today's radiation was unbelievable. As soon as they turned it on, the raygun circled around my head, searchlights rose up, mellotronny music swelled up. A host - or at least a couple of dozen - of vestal virgins appeared before me. They escorted me up, up, up a celestial ladder and there before me, after all these years, was St. Peter. Who said, "What have done for the wretched of the earth? What have you done that had no benefit to you at all - was just the right thing to do?" I mumbled something about United Way. He pointed a bony finger toward the Down escalator. I descended, and at the bottom was Satan, I guess, although he looked exactly like Richard Nixon. Who said, "Hey, you didn't want to be up there anyway. All your friends are here. It will be like a beach in the Bahamas, only really, really, really hot. Wear sunblock."